I've been the "victim" in 2 of my previous relationship from a couple of years back and hated the after taste from it. Seriously think it did something to my head and made me that little bit colder in my future relations, as most of the people around me will a test too.
Last weekend, i had a reversal of roles and played the part of the victimizer. Had to spill the beans to someone who i do not see myself being attached too. The whole thing last for a couple weeks but as with all matters of the heart - somebody will get hurt. I had hoped that the short period time we were together, will meant less hurt, hence i took the decision to end it before it lead on to a bigger emotional mess and uneasiness. I've made it clear from day 1, i will not lie about it when the going gets tough and pretend that everything is rosy and happy.
I was to blame for allowing things to get out of hand in the first place, this i admitted willingly. Had this uncanny feeling, i won't be able to give my all and give the other party what is needed and deserved. That lingering thought made me feel very uneasy and i was bothered to no end. After some soul searching, i laid it all out.
I had to take charge of my life and be that little bit more selfish to move forward. I do not want to be the "nice" guy anymore all the time and act as if i'm happy when its clearly not working.
Wished it could have ended in a better way, but nothing ever turns out right when it comes to ending relationships. No words or apologies will ever be enough to sooth the pain to the other party, but i do hope time will help heal that.
I am relieved, i don't have to deal with the emotional anguish of being in a relationship thats heading no where. But, that doesn't make the act of being THE prick any better. I will take this as a lesson on life and use it to help me grow into a better person.
PS: Thank you to a good friend for listening to me whine about it, and offering me words of wisdom on how to move on.
-JonC-
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5 comments:
sabo...sabo....these things are to be expected lah - good that u have the guts to break it off before it got bad. Though, I must say, ure not going to be her most favourite ex-bf (or mistake) from now on. Being on the receiving always sucks - speaking from personal experience. There, ive opened up an old wound now.
I just hope u did it properly, like any gentleman would - GENTLY - and not over yahoo msgr or SMS or phone. THere, another wound opened.
Goddammit.
I am not surprised she'll label me the biggest scum on earth now. Asked her out so we can talk face to face but she insisted i talk to her over the phone about what we're talking about first.
I just said there's some issues that we need to talk and that was it - it snowballed and got mighty uncomfortable. Never my intention to break it off over the phone, not appropriate and right. I'd rather face the music and let her see i'm sincere.
I got burned once badly, imagine i was informed of the breakup by a 3rd party. Hated it and last thing on earth i wanna do the same shit to someone else.
Thanx JonC fer contributing towards the "All Men Are Bastards" theory . . .
Your'e welcome! tsk tsk!
Yeah, being at the "victim" side is always painful.... but I respect your guts..
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